Are You Caught in the Anxiety Trap?
Did you know that nearly 60% of UK adults have experienced anxiety that interfered with their daily lives in the past two weeks? Yet, despite the prevalence, many people aren’t fully aware of how their everyday habits contribute to it. Anxiety is a master influencer, utilising a squad of 'defences' that serve to protect us in one way but often keep us stuck in unhelpful patterns. The team of defenders that most of us are familiar with are—Procrastination, Avoidance, Perfectionism, Control, and Ego.
1. Procrastination: The Sneaky Postponer
“I’ll do it tomorrow…”
It's a myth that procrastination is simply laziness. Recent neuroscience research shows that our brain evaluates factors like the difficulty of the task, expected rewards, and our energy levels. If the brain determines that the overall outcome is positive, we’re less likely to procrastinate. However, if it predicts an overall net loss like a high chance of failure or the task requiring more energy than we have, the brain triggers avoidance, effectively “slamming the brakes.”
Signs of Procrastination: Constantly delaying important tasks, cleaning or organising to avoid starting work, and often finding yourself rushing at the last minute.
This defence’s superpower: Creating an illusion of stress relief by postponing the task. However, this only intensifies anxiety as the pressure to complete the task increases over time. How to stop procrastination: Break tasks into smaller, manageable steps and reward yourself for completing each one.
2. Avoidance: The Great Escapist
“If I don’t think about it, it’s not real…”
Avoidance is one of the most common ways people cope with anxiety. It convinces us that avoiding uncomfortable situations will reduce anxiety, and while this might work in the short term, it ultimately lowers our confidence in handling difficult situations. Moving towards experiences that cause anxiety using a method called gradual exposure can be an effective way to build self-belief and resilience and reduce anxiety.
Signs of Avoidance: Ignoring tasks or responsibilities, frequently finding distractions, or avoiding situations or people that might cause discomfort.
This defence’s superpower: Offering temporary relief from discomfort, but the issues you avoid don’t go away. Instead, they often become more intimidating and harder to confront. How to Overcome Avoidance: Gradually expose yourself to the situations you’ve been avoiding. Start with small steps and build your confidence.
3. Perfectionism: The Overachiever’s Trap
“It’s not good enough until it’s perfect…”
Society often celebrates perfectionism as a positive trait, but the constant pursuit of perfection is closely linked to burnout. In the UK, perfectionism is on the rise, particularly among younger generations, and it's contributing to higher levels of anxiety and stress. This relentless drive can lead to 'analysis paralysis,' where fear of not achieving perfection prevents any action at all.
Signs of Perfectionism: All-or-nothing thinking, spending excessive time on details, reluctance to start tasks unless conditions are ideal, and postponing tasks due to fear of imperfection.
This defence’s superpower: Perfectionism gives you a sense of control, reducing the fear of failure or judgment. However, this often leads to procrastination and overwhelming stress, making tasks seem insurmountable.
How to overcome Perfectionism: Set realistic goals and remind yourself that done is better than perfect.
4. Control: The False Sense of Security
“If I can control everything, I can prevent disaster…”
Control is a defense mechanism where people try to manage every detail of life, believing it will prevent anything bad from happening. Those with controlling tendencies often experience anxiety around uncertainty, using control to ease their discomfort. However, attempting to control everything only increases stress, as it’s impossible to manage all outcomes. It can also negatively impact relationships if this need for control extends to other people’s actions.
Signs of needing Control: Micromanaging your environment, excessive planning, becoming distressed when plans change, and trying to control others’ actions to avoid unexpected outcomes.
This defence’s superpower: Control, provides an illusion of safety by making you believe that if you manage every aspect of your life, you can avoid pain. But this often leads to more anxiety as you struggle to keep everything under control.
How to Overcome the Need to Control: Practice letting go of things you can’t control and focus on what you can influence.
5. Ego: The Carousel of Selves
“What will people think of me?”
Ego is perhaps the most complex member of Anxiety’s Defense Squad. We develop a sense of ego during adolescence to help navigate the often conflicting internal and external expectations we face. For instance, it's normal to adjust our behaviour around different groups, like friends, family, or colleagues. However, when we feel anxious, the ego can become a barrier, presenting a version of ourselves designed to gain approval but that may stray far from our authentic self, creating inner conflict and increasing anxiety.
Signs of Ego-driven Behaviours: Frequently changing your behaviour or opinions depending on who you’re with, seeking constant validation, avoiding vulnerability, and feeling disconnected from your authentic self.
This defence’s superpower: The carousel of selves that ego creates helps you navigate social situations and avoid rejection or judgment. But this constant shifting can prevent you from being authentic, leading to a disconnection from your self and from others.
Overcoming Ego Defences: Challenge your fears of judgment by stepping out of your comfort zone. Take small social risks to practice authenticity and build confidence.
Working with Defences
At our counselling practice in Yeovil, working with defenses like procrastination, avoidance, perfectionism, and control is a core part of our approach. These defenses aren’t inherently bad; they developed for a reason, often serving to protect you at a certain point in your life. However, they may have become habitual and are no longer helpful.
When defenses appear, it indicates unresolved issues; something deeper that needs attention. Recognising these patterns is progress, as they reveal what you’ve been through and highlight what’s needed to create a life with less anxiety and more balance. The goal is to increase awareness, understand their origins, and transform them into strategies that better serve you now.
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References:
For further information and to see the full statistics, you can refer to the reports from the Mental Health Foundation
Ferrari JR, Díaz-Morales JF. Procrastination and mental health coping: A brief report related to students. Individual Differences Research. 2014;12(1):8–11.
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